A difficult time of year

Hi everyone

I hope you've all been able to enjoy some kind of normality this Christmas. It's been such a challenging time and, for those of you who may be grieving, or have loved ones who are currently unwell, whether with Covid-19 or something else, I send you all my thoughts and gentle hugs.

This is quite a personal post from me today, which I don't tend to do as I find it hard to open up about things. But this time of year is always difficult for me. I lost my mum just a few weeks before Christmas a number of years ago. We weren't expecting it and it hit us all really hard. So when others were out doing their Christmas shopping, going to parties and generally feeling very festive, I was just elsewhere in my head and my heart, and that was the case for quite some time. I felt like a black hole had opened up and swallowed me, such was my grief. As the years have gone by, although it has become a little easier not having her around anymore, Christmas is the one time of the year which is still very challenging for me, although I do my best for the sake of my family.

And now, almost 2 years into this wretched Covid-19 pandemic, we here in England, and the rest of the UK, are facing unprecedented cases because of yet another mutation, another new variant. If you don't know someone who has Covid-19, has had it or you've lost someone to it, I think it's fair to say you are probably now in the minority. I can't help but wonder when it will end.

On top of all the worry Covid-19 brings with it, my father, now in his mid-80s, is succumbing little by little to Parkinson's Disease. The change in him, both physically and mentally, over the last 20 months, is striking, and frightening, and upsetting, and leaves me feeling sad and angry. Such a big, strong man even up to 5 years ago, now so vulnerable. I saw him for the first time in 18 months just before Christmas. I hadn't seen him for so long because of shielding due to my own underlying health issues and to protect him and our autistic son. All boostered up by mid-December this year, I was so happy to be able to spend just 15 minutes with my Dad before he got too tired again - doesn't take much these days. We made him a lovely Christmas meal on Boxing Day, which he enjoyed immensely, so we know he's had at least one decent meal (he is terrible for picking at food, eating lots of things he shouldn't!).

It's hard for a lot of people for lots of reasons at this time of year, but feels especially difficult at the moment.

Personally, I've found it a challenge to focus on anything for any length of time recently, but am hoping that by the New Year, I'll be in a better place. I need to be, I have a living to earn!

To you all, I say be kind to yourself, and be kind to others. Support one another, be there for each other, safely.

I'm looking forward to sunny days and seeing spring flowers in abundance - new beginnings.

Stay safe and here's hoping 2022 will be much, much better than 2020 and 2021.

Julie x